over a year since ive posted anything in my LJ. that really sucks. i guess its mostly because myspace has taken over the world. yeah anyway.... here's a nice review of the past year:
      ive held on to old friends and made some new ones. ive kicked some habits but gained a few worse ones. ive been in a mental hospital. ive been in two out-patient treatment centers and im not sure if im ever gonna get better. i manage to keep my composure when im around my friends. it's when im alone when i get depressed and suicidal. im on lots of medication. im writing and drawing constantly, trying to find positive outlets for my depression and stress. anyways.... i'm bisexual still. im still a vegetarian. im still straight-edge. im becoming more and more addicted to anime, whether that's a good thing or not, idk. but anyway, life's been hard; especially the past couple of months. and im trying to make it by just living one day at a time. i really dont care how corny that sounds. but its true so w/e. i have to take this step by step, regaining optimism after everything that ive gone through. family issues. problems in school. no luck with love either. cutting. perging. suicidal ideation. im trying and trying. but sometimes i feel like im going in a big circle. are things ever going to get better for me? i love all my support systems out there. you guys have been great. but im not sure if in the future it will be enough.

sarah's gonna miss joci. *sighs* ill tty when you get back. ookie- take good care of her.

 Love, sawah. ~Hime-chan~

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my story continues....

He turned his head to gaze at Bert, who was too, laughing at the sight Frank trying to break out of the mob of obsessed fans. Bert then realized he was being watched by Gerard so he turned his head, metting his eyes with Gerard's.

It seemed like hours, the two of themsiboth trying to figure out what the other was thinking.

Bert took Gerard's hand into his and leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "You wanna go some place where we can be alone?"

Gerard nodded.

Hand in hand, Bert and Gerard left the room, not knowing the observation taking place by Frank.

Frank breathed deeply through his nose, as if he was an enraged bull. "Get off me, please!" He yelled at the fans that were holding onto him.

Their manager saw the discomfort of Frank as well as the other band members. "Alright, that's enough. You've spent enough time with the band. It's time to leave." He escorted the people out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Frank sat on the couch, burrying his face in his hands. He thought about what had happened.

"Why did I react that way?" he thought to himself. "I should be happy for them.... so why am I feeling this uncontrolled sadness in the pit of my stomache? I couldn't be jealous, could I? I mean... Gerard. He's just my best friend.... a band mate."

He sunk his head to his knees, wrapping his hands around his neck.

Meanwhile, Bert pulled Gerard around and along the crowded corridors, trying to find a room where they would be bothered by no one.

Then, they came across a small and dusty supply closet.

"It'll do," Bert blurted out before pulling Gerard into the cramped cubicle.

After closing the door, Gerard turned to find his lips against Bert's. He closed his eyes, letting his yearning for Bert to take over him.

He grasped the back of Bert's neck with hand, with the other hand unbottoning his own black velvet blazer.

Bert began pulling his own pants down and then off.

Gerard opened his eyes to find his love in just his underwear, snickering at the sight. "Briefs?" he poked fun at Bert before taking off his own clothes.

Bert continued to undress himself.

Both men stood naked, admiring each other's bodies.

Bert approached Gerard and then wrapped his arms around him.

Gerard shuddered, Berts cold body against his.

Bert guided Gerard toward an old wooden desk, where he leaned him against it and then began caressing Gerard with kisses. On his neck and down his chest, licking his pale skin. He then came back up to meet Gerard's lips once again. He pushed his warm tongue into into Gerard's mouth, sucking on his mouth and massaging his tongue rapidly.

Gerard breathed out deeply in relief, knowing he was about to get what he always wanted.

when all else fails.... MOSH!

weve been slaves to this love from the moment we touched. we keep begging for more of this ressurection.

my new bert/gerard layout for my xanga @ www.xanga.com/villedaveygerard

please comment. i feel unloved from comment lackage. comment on my story or on my layout, etc. please make hime feel better. ^.^